30+ of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week (July 6, 2024)

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jul 6, 2024 11:00 AM EDT

The urge to tweet is a funny one. What makes us hit send on our little, often stupid ideas? Why do we need a group of strangers to read it and acknowledge us? Perhaps it's about the desire for approval from our peers. We want the people around us to validate our thoughts and signal to us that they find them interesting, funny, or worthwhile in the form of a like. 

It might be the same impulse that we get when we publish a piece of writing publicly. We want more eyes on our little piece of genius. Either that, or we have a pure desire to educate or entertain. But it's never truly selfless, is it… especially on the app formerly known as Twitter. But these tweets, whether or not their sharing was pure, are here to serve you, mostly by providing some good laughs. And that's just about all we need.  

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  • 01
    Eden Dranger @Eden_Eats HBO login: password must contain at least 8 characters, a number, an emoji, your college roommate's maiden name, and a hieroglyph. ATM: just any 4 numbers. 10:35 PM 6/28/24 From Earth 1.8M Views . . 4.4K Reposts 64 Quotes 99K Likes 1.1K Bookmarks
    via @Eden_Eats
  • 02
    CLAUDIA MORALES @CLAUDIAPOSTING people are constantly tell me i "walk sooo fast" is it illegal to be a girl with powerful legs and a sense of urgency in this life 10:44 AM 6/28/24 From Earth 1.5M Views 13K Reposts 748 Quotes 64K Likes 2.4K Bookmarks
    via @CLAUDIAPOSTING
  • 03
    Ben Crew @BenjaminCrew1 Do you think members of the Kennedy family blame minor things on the Kennedy Curse? Like a delicious looking turkey sandwich is dry and they're just like "When will this nightmare be ovah" 1:03 PM 6/29/24 From Earth 1.5M Views 4.6K Reposts 107 Quotes
    via @BenjaminCrew1
  • 04
    in the gran stephen things @stepheniscowboy love how you can hear the crowd constantly forgetting the queen died and singing god save the quing 2:05 PM 6/30/24 1.9M Views 2.6K Reposts 185 Quotes 78K Likes 2.1K Bookmarks
    via @stepheniscowboy
  • 05
    لارا @NormalArabGirl The show The Bear is good but if a cheap sandwich shop in the city where I could get a big pop, fries, and a hot dog shut down bc a white man moved back home wanted to turn into a high end restaurant I would pray for that restaurant's downfall everyday. 11:13 PM 6/29/24 From Earth ⚫ 3M Views 10K Reposts 1K Quotes 119K Likes 3.6K Bookmarks
    via @NormalArabGirl
  • 06
    Gayest Tone @gayest_tone We already tried that and they killed him Harry Hill @veryharryhill - 2d I'm so serious when I say the president of the United States should be 45 years old and HOT AS 2:18 PM 6/29/24 From Earth • 7.7M Views 11K Reposts 268 Quotes
    via @gayest_tone
  • 07
    WILDLIFE CONSERVATION Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Con... @OKWildlifeDept stg if it's a strawberry sprinkled I'm going to lose it, Priss Verso, Crazy Cat Lady @ThePris... 3d Spotted Foamy the Squirrel in the wild in Oklahoma today. Someone alert @OKWildlifeDept
    via @OKWildlifeDept
  • 08
    Champi Pregame Champions @pregamechampion Someone in the United States has no clue that this is their last weekend with all ten fingers. 4:40 PM 6/30/23 From Earth 3.4K Views . 8 Reposts 1 Quote 29 Likes •
    via @pregamechampion
  • 09
    Suderman @petersuderman Technically, the Friday after July 4 isn't a holiday. But I think we all know that Americans have a constitutional right to take the fifth. 8:55 AM 7/1/24 From Earth • 110K Views 371 Reposts 23 Quotes 2.4K Likes 56 Bookmarks
    via @petersuderman
  • 10
    eve6 @Eve6 "Ai is coming for your jobs". I'd like to see ai take a southwest flight with 3 layovers to open for hoobastank at a county fair 10:34 PM 6/30/24 From Earth • 781K Views 1.8K Reposts 67 Quotes 28K Likes 327 Bookmarks
    via @Eve6
  • 11
    FLEA @babyibeenajoint Hotdog burgers!! and then I'm gonna load the top with cheese!! 10:46 PM 6/29/24 From Earth 7.9M Views 2.7K Reposts 4.8K Quotes •
    via @babyibeenajoint
  • 12
    Rob Stott @Rob_Stott A grim update from daycare Doctors on duty Our juniors found an injured bee in the playground during afternoon. They showed a lot of interest in it so educators asked them if they want to save the bee and children said yes. So we took the bee in the ambulance to our juniors hospital. Children tried their best to save the bee but unfortunately they failed the operation. But during this dramatic play we saw that our juniors have so much understanding about the job and duty of
    via @Rob_Stott
  • 13
    punished rose @providenceluvr watching apocalypse now and can't stop thinking about this Anonymous 12/13/21(Mon)23:20:08 No.160600134 I read somewhere that Coppola wanted him to lose weight so he assigned personal trainers to get him all his meals but Brando paid a PA to fill a canoe up with cheeseburgers and he would row into the middle of the river and eat them in view of Coppola, who would be shouting at him to stop and he would ignore him 6:04 PM 6/29/24 From Earth. 1.1M Views 1.7K Reposts 1
    via @providenceluvr
  • 14
    @powerbottomdad1 sunday 230pm: wow i really have the whole day ahead of me. anything is possible sunday 430pm: the day has slipped thru my fingers, any hope to be productive has faded to dust. i must retire to my quarters 5:39 PM 6/30/24 From Earth • 397K Views • 1K Reposts 12 Quotes 16K Likes 418 Bookmarks
    via @powerbottomdad1
  • 15
    Dan White @atdanwhite 8:54 Inbox O Stores Ja wwww En Pic tin Account Suspended dri You have been reported as a Bathroom Superuser. This occurs after five (5) reported bathroom infractions. Please be advised that toilets should be used for no more than 90 aggregate minutes per visit. Your account is suspended for 48 hours and we have deducted 300 Rewards Stars from your star balance. 205 MG CAFFEINE 80 180 MG CAFFEINE Introducing Iced En Scan in store Elevate your day with a powerful boost of sug
    via @atdanwhite
  • 16
    Matt @scriptumsent the way "rawdogging" has entered common parlance for anything done unassisted is vile to me, personally 12:59 PM 6/28/24 From Earth 2.5M Views • 1.5K Reposts 873 Quotes
    via @scriptumsent
  • 17
    gianmarco @GianmarcoSoresi BREAKING: The bill from Schoolhouse Rock has taken his own life 12:24 AM 6/28/24 From Earth · 175K Views 1.2K Reposts 27 Quotes 9.9K Likes 284 Bookmarks
    via @GianmarcoSoresi
  • 18
    J~A~V~I @_King_Javi__ Day 2 at my new job and they already not seeing me in these jeans folds BOOT-CUT DOT-CUT BOOT-CUT 50 100SE 4:02 PM 6/26/24 From Earth 11M Views 4.8K Reposts 2.3K Quotes
    via @_King_Javi__
  • 19
    Robby Slowik @RobbySlowik I say give them both a Roku remote and the first one to start a movie gets to be president 8:59 PM 6/27/24 From Earth 4.2M Views . 15K Reposts 495 Quotes
    via @RobbySlowik
  • 20
    Ginny Hogan_ @ginnyhogan_ ok if you don't live in the US, please turn the debate off. This is our private family humiliation, and we'd all prefer you not stare. 9:25 PM 6/27/24 6.7M Views 35K Reposts 2.2K Quotes
    via @ginnyhogan_
  • 21
    drew janda @drewjanda Biden: look, the fact is, we can't... we don't... look. Here's the deal. And this is no foolin Trump: there are ten billion guatemalans attacking the lincoln memorial right now 9:19 PM 6/27/24 1.7M Views • 15K Reposts 925 Quotes 93K Likes 5.1K Bookmarks
    via @drewjanda
  • 22
    taoki * @justalexoki YOU GOTTA GIVE HIM THAT HAWK TUAH AND SPIT ON THAT THANG Joe • 12:25 PM 6/28/24 From Earth 494K Views
    via @justalexoki
  • 23
    soul nate @MNateShyamalan moderator: what are your views on the economy? joe biden: i. well i uh. [nose starts bleeding] hmm. donald trump: we're gonna find and kill the grinch. mark my words. we are gonna use the big guns. it's gonna be something folks 10:10 PM 6/27/24 From Earth • 3.7M Views 21K Reposts 386 Quotes 212K Likes 11K Bookmarks
    via @MNateShyamalan
  • 24
    Cody @AltHistCody I like both candidates but I think we need somebody older 9:50 PM 6/27/24 From Earth 531K Views • 3.7K Reposts 148 Quotes 38K Likes 569 Bookm
    via @AltHistCody
  • 25
    noisedyke!! @xheartemoji cena is a surprisingly capable comedic actor, which is a hard thing to be. batista is willing to show a tenderness and vulnerability that puts him head and shoulders above the other. the rock is technically an actor Kara Zor-El @DCUSupergirl.2d Who is the best wrestler turned actor? 1:53 PM 6/30/24 From Earth • 2.5M Views
    via @xheartemoji
  • 26
    Bacardi Oakheart @Midgetgems26 "It's a big building full of sick people, but that's not important right now" sky news Sky News @SkyNews. 1d Princess Anne and Hungarian footballer both in hospital with concussion - so what is it? Read more trib.al/AwKEacO 2:51 PM 6/24/24 From Earth 3.6M Views
    via @Midgetgems26
  • 27
    robbieleeann @robbieleeannn i send u 66 " that means im not interested • 6:37 PM 6/28/24 From Earth 1.8M Views 12K Reposts 935 Quotes 59K Likes 3.8K Bookmarks
    via @robbieleeannn
  • 28
    Rima @therimaahmed Pickpocketed in London by a quite old man. Saw him whip my purse out of the side pocket of my bag. Was a nice purse I bought in Paris but swings and roundabouts - I use it to store my emergency travel tampons. Have fun, tea leaf granda! Hope you only have a light to medium flow x 12:53 PM 6/30/24 1.2M Views 1.2K Reposts 72 Quotes 42K Likes 615 Bookmarks
    via @therimaahmed
  • 29
    Roy Wood Jr- Ex Jedi @roywoodjr I'm not trying to tell you young brothers how to sell ya demo tapes, but those people charging their Tesla in public can't go anywhere for 15 to 20 minutes. Just walk up and start freestyling. Freestyle to enough Tesla owners sooner or later you hittin somebody in the industry. 10:54 PM 6/30/24 297K Views 1K Reposts 89 Quotes 8.9K Likes 211 Bookmarks
    via @roywoodjr
  • 30
    No Context Brits @NoContextBrits Just paid £200 for a train ticket. If the inspector doesn't turn up, I'm going looking for him. • 2:50 AM 7/1/24 388K Views 329 Reposts 21 Quotes 8.6K Likes 53 Bookmarks
    via @NoContextBrits
  • 31
    Neil Renic @NC_Renic The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it sarcastically after you get basic trivia wrong. 3:31 PM 6/30/24 1.3M Views . 1.7K Reposts 108 Quotes 57K Likes 822 Bookmarks
    via @NC_Renic
  • 32
    Marie Le Conte @youngvulgarian sometimes you do your food shopping for the week and every meal feels like a little treat from your past self, sometimes you do your food shopping for the week and every meal feels like it was planned by a malevolent buffoon, hellbent on crushing your morale • 7:24 AM 7/1/24 737K Views • 2.4K Reposts 58 Quotes 33K Likes 725 Bookmarks
    via @youngvulgarian
  • 33
    fraser ramon @SteveMerkle9 They are joining the big ten SPECTATOR INDEX *****The Spectator Index JUST IN: @spectatorindex 1d North Korea says it will soon be making an important announcement • 8:00 PM 6/30/24 From Earth • 2.1M Views 1.3K Reposts 19 Quotes 30K Likes 271 Bookmarks
    via @SteveMerkle9
  • 34
    greg✪ @greg16676935420 Life Hack: Replace your cat's litter box with an Amazon box. When it's full just tape it up and put it on your doorstep so someone steals it amazon xofonde 12:49 PM 7/1/24 From Earth 840K Views • 1.7K Reposts 196 Quotes 22K Likes 507 Bookmarks
    via @greg16676935420

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